You are looking...................

You are looking, but what are you seeing..?
 I today...saw first hand..
what it is, what it feel like, to be looked on...but not been seen.
Here we go...

You look at me, and I wonder, what do you see?
Do you see my Kurta...my bindi...and what do you assume..?
Do you see me, dressed in my western clothes and assume what..? That I am more like you then?
Does this make you feel better..secure...?
Or what if I were to dress again in a different way..yet  again...
I wonder..
What would you see.?
Would you see the sensitive person that I am?
Would you look at me and see How very easy to get hurt kind of woman that Iam?
Or peraphs you may see how loving I am when I know I can trust you.
No, Maybe you could see the hurt that has been in my heart  ...if you would look, you would see.
And would you see how this very hurt has made me a much more sensitive person now, able to relate to people and feel for them, making me want to really do something for every person I see struggling,
Because I have been there myself first;
Look...and you could see,
It's me;
unique, caring, loving, able to stand up to things,to wrongs, smart, much more then you would know...
But you see...
the problem is...the problem is, that you are not looking....
and if you are looking, you are not seeing..
because all you can see when you look at me..
is what..?
My clothes...my very goodlooking self in a kurta..?
And what..you would think I am so far different from you.
But I am not.
Except on one thing....one thing I am different from you..
When I look, I look to see,
to see who you really are.
Apart from your looks, race, color, religion, clothes, nation...
When I look..
I want to look and see what I am looking at.
Who you truly are.
All your true colors.
Thats the only way for me.

The day I had to leave you

And the day after what seemed a beautiful dream...the day came, for me to go....
I remember,  it was so sad for me, it was.
Walking around, trying to seem normal and fine, when inside I felt like I was falling apart..like the ground was slipping away from beneath my feet.
My tears I couldn't stop but it seemed even the heavens started to cry....
Then the rainbow at the end of the clouds...maybe this is how it will be....at the end of this sad madness that now I live..maybe.. at the end of the storm there will be a rainbow and we will forget soon all bout the storm and rain.

Maybe soon, we will once be together again.

Eros Ramazzotti - Liberta liberta

just me

This is me..
What can I say....
even though I did not get a conventional backround, art has always bein part of my life...as a mean of expressing myself, trough thick and thin..good and bad....happy or sad..I could always run to it and pour my heart out..
I look around..and I see beauty, everywhere...so much beauty...
I see it in a child smile, in a tree standing strong and bare in a middle of the winter..., I see it in your smile, in my smile, knowing all the work that has gone in it..and all that there is
behind...
In see it in a window....I see beauty in a reflection...
Beauty is all around us..
I believe this..with all I have..with all my soul.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
This is so beautiful, and true....in days like today especially, I need to remember this....
That I am strong and very courageous.

What is art..?

I read this today:
"All the creative work in the world- whether painting, dance, drama, music, anything- has all come from that unknown corner.
It just spontaneously started happening. You do it, but you are not the doer."
When I write as well as when I paint..it does just start flowing....when I walk and I see something that strike me...i may be something so common for everyone else, but I see it in a different light...I feel it....and I have to paint it....or have to write about it.
So many times it has and still does happen to me.
I was told once that to see beauty...in common things, all around us, it is a gift.
Indeed, I now understand it, I do see beauty all around me.
Sometimes I feel like a kid...a little kid, in a candy store; I have to stop whatever else I'm doing and ...just...observe..take it all in....put it in my " memory folder".
This is a gift.
And I'm so grateful for this; to be able to see so much beauty.

soulmate

I like to believe that a soulmate is someone that you have a deep connection with on every level. It can be between a male to male, male to female or female to female. No barriers to age, sex, gender, race or relations. BUT, personally to me, I believe that there is such a soul-mate for all human-beings. A significant other that when together is in Totality. Wholesome. Indestructible. Ying and Yang. One soul-mate for each of us. It is with someone who you are deeply connected with; spiritually, mentally and physically. An important elemental triad. There is no doubts in your ‘being’ together as one or when you are separated momentarily as individuals. You both know in that instance you are the “other half”. I think in that present moment of ‘knowing’ and bonding you realise you both have found each other. Am I right or wrong, I wouldn’t be certain.. all I know is that you will know. And ONLY YOU will know.

When you love someone....so bad.....

I know not how it is with you, I love the first and last, the whole field of the present view, the whole flow of the past. Nor should you change, nor I, one pebble in our path -one star. In all our heaven of sky.
No words should be added to this.
Ah...but Alas!
I do add to it..
you are my sun in the rain, my light in the dark, my future of my past, my star in the night....all this and more you are to me.
If you didnt exist I would have to invent you;
I didnt know I wanted you so much ...needed you so much ..till I saw you.
Now ...I cant live without out, do not want to live without you...no one more second...because living without you is like not being able to breath...not having air in my lungs...how long can a person go without this?
This is how it is for me, without you.
Baby....all I can say now is....I miss you...terribly and need to be with you.

Monica Crisp | Artwork Portfolio | ArtWanted.com

Monica Crisp | Artwork Portfolio | ArtWanted.com

I am a coffee bean!

ENDURANCE..
Sometimes life can be so hard. We may not know how we are going to make it and even may feel like giving up. We may feel tired of fighting and struggling. We solve 1 problem, another rise right up. But this I heard once that made me think what I want to be, how I want to be. Check it out.
There are 3 pots of water. In 1 theres carrots, in 1 eggs and in last coffe beans. The 3 pots sit and boil all for same amount of time..around 20 mins let's say. then when they have been taken all out of the water, what do we see? The carrots got soft. The egg got hard. The coffe beans..? it gave a rich aroma to the water... Here's the thing... all of these 3 faced the same adversity -boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. It's thin outer shell had protected his liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. Which am I? When adversity knocks on my door, how do I respond? Am I a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? Yes, which am I? Am I the carrot that seem strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strenght? Am I the egg that start with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship, or some other trial, have I became hardened and stiff? Does my shell peraphs look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart? Or...Am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstances that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If I am like the bean, when things are at their worst, I get better and change the situation around me. When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do I elevate to another level?
If so, this is call...Endurance. ..And....and...and I choose to be a coffee bean!!
Inspite of how my situation is ..now...that boiling water is really hot...but nevertheless...I choose not to let this change me, define me, but I change the situation instead!

My art

Marriage ..like a box..?

Most people get married believing the myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, atc.
The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box.
You must put something in before you can take anything out.
There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage.
There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it in to your marriage.
A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising and keeping the box full.
If you take out more then you put in, the box will be empty.
If you never put anything in it at all, the box will still be empty.
Marriage is work, everyday, and commitment, every day, and yes its like a box...you better put good things in it.

me

And the day came..when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful then the risk it took to blossom. So true...
this for my first post is appropiate...
you see, when it hurt too much to stay in whatever situation you are.........you will know, you will know that the pain that it may take to break away is all worth it...
and even more so...if you are ever so lucky to find something that will help you,
push you,
to want to break free and realize that what you are doing is....is just madness,
cause there is better,
well..then, you can call yourself wonderfully lucky..
lucky to be alive and believe in life and wanting to live your life to the fullest.
I am now, officially, wonderfully lucky, to be alive, to believe in life, and to wanting to live my life to the fullest.
I am.
I am all that...and more....back in the days I would have said...I am all that, and a bag of chips....;)
yeah...I think Im still keeping that.
All that.